Problem is.....(although all of that is truly great) that there is still one thing missing.....love....and I'm not talking about the love that comes from family and friends....I'm talking about love love... true companionship....having a witness to your everyday life.... that kind of love.... and yes, this is probably the result of my biological clock ticking, but I realize(at 24...almost 25) that its something I really want....now don't get me wrong.....I do love the perks of being single, and not having deal with the drama that comes with being in a relationship.....BUT at the same time, I have to admit that it does get really lonely after a while.....doing everything by yourself, and for yourself..... and I don't even bother with having too many friends anymore now-a-days....cuz with friends like the ones I've had recently....who the hell needs enemies forreal lol I'm soo over it.( ok...let me come back before I have a lil moment cuz that is a whole "nother" blog entry lol)
This time last year, I was seriously considering celibacy...lol...yes, me...lol....because of all the bullshit I put up with in my string of meaningless relationships(actually 3 to be exact)....they were usually short lived and consisted of nothing but "booty calls", me paying for dinner(and everything else for that matter), or worse nothing at all because he didn't even want me(well women period)....I was just too through with all the "game" that these so-called "men" were trying to throw at me.... that I finally just said "fuck it"...love is just one of those things that is not meant for me...all the good ones are taken, and all the bad ones just want ass.....and I was cool with that....just me and God...I took the time to really find, and get to know myself..,and everything was good in my own little world until something happened... Cupid's arrow hit me again on the sneak tip lol , and God brought him back into my life....
I can honestly say that I have only been in love once in my life...at the time it seemed perfect(even though it was early)..like I had found him... my soulmate....but then life, distance, and a long line of hs drama got in the way and seemed to ruin things....I thought for long time that I had lost my one shot at love.... and I would tell myself all the time that eventually....I would get over it.... or better yet, that I could get over him....But, despite all my efforts, I find that I am just as much in love now, as I was back then....its like I'm drawn to him....like a magnet....
So....I say all of that....to say....that God and Cupid somehow managed to do the unthinkable lol, and that I am finally back to wanting to be in a relationship.....but not just any old fling....no, a real relationship.....and not just with any old body....Right now, he is the only one I can see myself wanting to be with, and I'm even willing to wait for that....But if for whatever reason it ends up still being a "no".....then I may just go back to my original plan.......I know that sounds extreme....and I admit it does sound a bit dramatic....but I've been "out there" and I've encountered a lot of men....truth is.... none of them make me feel the way he does.....he's just a cut above the rest....he always has been....just a one of a kind....lol I could go on all day about him...and while nobody's perfect.....i feel like he's perfect for me....I love him.
Only thing is....he's already in a relationship.....and I'm not trying to be a "homewrecker". At the end of the day I know that whatever God wills, will be....so all I can do now is hope, pray, and wait.....plus we are still keeping in touch in the meantime....and I love it because we make just as good friends as we did lovers.....sigh...bottom line.....
my heart says its him and just wait, while logic keeps saying let him go and just be friends... its too late.....now I guess the question is, what does God say??
Cupid, look what you did lol....and God, what are you doing???
